Regulation: What I’ve Learned as an OT and a Mom of Two Boys

As an occupational therapist with 25 years of experience, I thought I had a strong handle on regulation. I’ve worked with countless families, coached parents through meltdowns, and taught children strategies to calm their bodies and minds. But when it came to applying these same lessons in my own home as a mom of two boys, I quickly discovered: theory and practice aren’t always the same thing.

Parenting has a way of shining a bright light on your blind spots. And over the years, I’ve realized that while I could support other families with compassion and clarity, I often held myself to a much harsher standard. Looking back, I see three mistakes I made that cost me unnecessary stress, arguments, and guilt — and I share them here in hopes that you don’t have to repeat them.

Mistake #1: Neglecting My Own Nervous System

For too long, I believed that being a “good” mom meant always putting my kids’ needs first. Their regulation came before mine. Their meltdowns needed solving, their anxieties needed soothing — and my role was to be calm, patient, and endlessly available.

The problem? I wasn’t taking care of my own nervous system. I thought I could simply “power through” my exhaustion, stress, or overstimulation. I thought that because I knew the strategies as an OT, I could just flip a switch and stay calm.

But the truth is this: when our nervous systems are dysregulated, it shows up in our parenting. For me, this looked like snapping over small things, raising my voice during arguments that didn’t need to escalate, and feeling guilty afterward. It looked like going to bed exhausted, only to wake up the next day already running on empty.

What I know now is that my kids don’t just need me to teach regulation — they need me to model it. When I take care of my nervous system first (through breathwork, movement, quiet breaks, and setting boundaries), they experience a mom who is grounded and steady. And that stability helps them feel safe.

Mistake #2: Overlooking Sensory Processing — Mine and Theirs

Another big lesson I learned (the hard way) was not fully accounting for sensory processing — both my own and my children’s.

Every person has a unique sensory profile. Some of us are sensitive to sound, touch, or movement. Others crave more input — the child who spins, climbs, or constantly fidgets is trying to get the input their body needs. When I ignored these differences in our family, it led to unnecessary chaos.

For example: I used to dread noisy family gatherings. The clinking dishes, overlapping conversations, and constant movement left me irritable and snappy. I chalked it up to being “tired” or “stressed,” when in reality my sensory system was overwhelmed. My boys, on the other hand, sometimes needed more sensory input than I realized. They weren’t misbehaving when they bounced off the couch or crashed into each other — they were self-regulating.

Once I acknowledged our different sensory needs, everything shifted. We started putting strategies in place:

• Headphones or quiet breaks for me when noise levels climb.

• Weighted blankets, fidget tools, or movement breaks for the boys.

• Being intentional about the environments we spend time in, and preparing ahead if we know they’ll be overwhelming.

When we build our days around sensory awareness, we prevent overload before it happens. And prevention is always easier than repair.

Mistake #3: Trying to Be the “Perfect” Parent Instead of the Regulated One

This one cuts deep — because I know I’m not the only one.

For years, I chased the idea of being the “perfect” parent. You know the one: never loses patience, always has creative activities ready, meals prepped, screen time balanced, endless energy for connection. I held myself to this impossible standard, and every time I fell short, I felt shame.

But my boys didn’t need a perfect parent. They needed a regulated parent.

Here’s the difference:

• A “perfect” parent is focused on performance — checking boxes, doing it all, looking good on the outside.

• A regulated parent is focused on connection — slowing down, co-regulating through tough moments, showing their kids how to navigate emotions in real time.

When I let go of perfection and leaned into regulation, everything changed. The pressure lifted. My boys and I connected more authentically. Arguments shortened, repair happened faster, and our home felt calmer.

What This Means for You

If you’re a parent reading this and nodding along, here’s what I want you to take away:

• Your nervous system matters. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and your regulation sets the tone for the whole household.

• Sensory processing isn’t optional. Knowing your own triggers and your child’s unique needs is the key to reducing overwhelm.

• Forget perfect. What your kids need most is a safe, regulated parent who shows them it’s okay to feel big emotions — and how to come back from them.

Regulation isn’t about never losing it. It’s about building awareness, using strategies, and repairing when things go sideways. It’s about modeling for our kids that being human is messy — and that’s okay.

As an OT and a mom, I’ve made my fair share of mistakes. But those mistakes taught me what really matters: regulation isn’t a technique, it’s a way of being. It’s nervous system to nervous system, moment to moment.

I can’t promise a meltdown-free home (I still have two boys, after all!). But I can promise you this: when you prioritize your regulation, honor sensory needs, and let go of perfection, you’ll create a home filled with more connection, less conflict, and a lot more joy.