Tips for Removing Stress and Fear When Toilet Training.
I had a great podcast episode with Lindsey Kaupp (Help for Bedwetting ) where she answered my questions about toileting, leaking, bed wetting and constipation for children. And I wanted to back up a little bit to talk about toileting and share some important tips.
If you’ve been here for a while or followed me on social media you know that I don’t often have a “recipe” for you because every child is different. We need to always look at why and understand the underlying reasons for what the child is presenting us. Assessment and analyzing the activity is so important and guides our action plan.
Regulation is Key!
When children are trying to master a new challenge they need to feel calm and cooperative, and in problem solving mode. As an adult, you know that when you feel overwhelmed and sense that someone is trying to make you do something you don’t want to do, it’s challenging to embrace that new experience. But if we feel calm and reassured we are more likely to work toward a new goal.
The first goal is to reduce fear and anxiety and make it fun. If a child is dysregulated (anxious, fearful, stressed) it is hard to process language and hard to engage in activities. Here are tips to help regulate your child .
Reduce fear and anxiety around toileting.
When teaching a child any new skill it is important that we as parents slow down and create an environment that is calm and free of pressure. A stressful environment is not conducive to learning. Here are some questions to ask yourself that might help reduce the stress of toilet training and cue you on how to set up the right environment for your child.
- IS YOUR CHILD READY FOR TOILET TRAINING?
- Can they understand WHY they need to pee or poop on the potty?
- Can they understand positive consequences like being able to wear big kid underwear?
- Consider your child’s intellectual and language development.
- If your child is ready, go to step 2
- GET YOUR CHILD COMFORTABLE IN THE BATHROOM
- are they comfortable flushing or hearing the flushing sound?
- start visiting the bathroom
- have a small potty to use
- explore books about toileting, flushing.
- explore music and rhythmic activity
- sit on the potty
- sit on the toilet with a stool under feet.
- Maintain the goal of keeping things calm, regulated and pleasurable. No pressure. Use all of the senses to create a sense of calm and enjoyment. This essential guide to will help you understand and make your space calm
- GIVE YOUR CHILD CONTROL BY ALLOWING YOUR CHILD TO MAKE CHOICES AND REDUCE OVERWHELM
●choices about big potty or little potty. If you are thinking, “but I don’t have time” then you need to find a time when you can slow down. Toileting and any new skill takes time and patience.
●choices about music, lighting, door open or closed, who is in the bathroom with the child, who flushes, activities while on the potty.
- ESTABLISH A ROUTINE FOR CHILDREN WHO ARE OVERWHELMED BY THE NUMBER OF STEPS INVOLVED.
- support the routine with visuals. Here’s an example.
BALANCE AND COORDINATION
●For some children the challenge is with balance and coordination or having their feet off the ground.
●use a child’s potty
●use a squatty potty (stool that surrounds the base of the toilet) so that the child’s feet are supported.
●consider toilet armrests to help the child feel secure if significant balance or insecurity issues. Or allow the child to hold parents hand for security.
●work on balance and coordination in therapy sessions
●child needs to be relaxed for sphincters to function!
Sensations and Toileting
UNDERREACTION TO SENSATIONS
●For children who underreact to sensations they may have a hard time knowing when they have to pee or poop. We talked about this in the podcast too. We referred to it as interroception, the body’s internal sense.
●Help your child identify sensations like wet, pressure on bladder, soiled, stomach cramping
●Check often to see whether they need to go a little, medium amount or a lot and reflect on that after they go.
●you can help an underreactive child become more aware of all sensations like how it feels to be tired, hungry, happy, sad. As he becomes more able to describe physical states, he becomes better at knowing what it feels like when he has to pee or poop.
SENSITIVITY TO TOUCH:
●is the seat comfortable? there are lots of options from padded seats to even heated seats, or adding fabric to the seat
●does your child tolerate wiping with toilet paper or will you use wipes?
SENSITIVITY TO SOUND:
●bathrooms tend to echo
●Is your child scared of the flushing noise? Can you flush after the child leaves the bathroom, or warn 3-2-1 flush.
●Play with the toilet to get used to the flushing sound.
●automatic flushing is frightening to many kids, including my own. We ended up bringing post-it notes with us to cover the sensor so my son wouldn’t be startled by the flush. We also discussed wearing headphones into the public bathrooms, although we discovered it was more about the startle than the sound. Who likes to be flushed when they aren’t finished?!
Whatever approach you take, the main thing to remember is that the child is calm and cooperative, and in charge of their bathroom experience. The parent needs to be calm for the child to be calm. Check out the free sensory resources below and if you still have questions, lets jump on a call.
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